There’s no perfect relationship, but some characteristics should never be over-looked in a quality mate such as excessive cheating, abuse — and the list goes on. No matter how unhappy some women become in these type of relationships, feeling unhappy to the point of leaving is out of the question.
A woman employed by the Irvington Public Schools spoke about her past. The conversation left one question lingering–why do women settle for less than they deserve in relationships? The woman, 36, was a victim of an abusive relationship with the father of her children for two years and never developed the courage to leave him.
“I was scared to let go because I wasn’t sure of what he would do,” said the woman from Jersey City, New Jersey, who preferred to remain anonymous.
She recalls one day on her seventh month of pregnancy when her boyfriend dragged her out of a moving vehicle and bloodied her lip. She didn’t think that she would make it that night. But she continued to take him back as many times as he returned to her because she loved him. Abuse is so prevalent that some don’t realize that they are being physically or emotionally abused until it intensifies. At times, love overpowers their better judgment.
An abuse story that garnered public attention was Rihanna and Chris Brown’s romantic turmoil. AOL Music reports that the two have been secretly meeting for the past year despite their past. Allegedly, a recent tweet from the pop star Rihanna has prompted speculation that Rihanna is the other woman to Chris Brown and his new girlfriend Karrueche Tran’s relationship. Chris and Rihanna’s break-up ensued when he received a text message from another woman. Rihanna got upset and a fight escalated leaving her hospitalized in 2009. The Barbados native, Rihanna, is the “fastest solo artist in history to have had 20 Top 10 singles on the Billboard Hot 100.” Yet, regardless of her successes, she still settles. She admits to her attraction to risky guys like some women are. Rihanna has been quoted several times saying:
“I don’t like cream puff, corny guys. Usually they are the nice guys, the ones that won’t hurt you. They’ll pull out the chair for you and the whole nine yards. Everything is perfect and boring. I like the risk, I like the edge. That’s the thrill for me.”
A relationship like Rihanna’s is due to making the wrong choices in men. These types of men are what she’s attracted to, but, does it ever cross her mind that she can do better? Caroline Myss says it best in an article called “Why Do You Settle For Less.”
“Take time to reflect upon what really matters in your life. Though all choices have the power to shift the direction of your life, some choices are far more significant. Ending the chaos created by settling for the less authentic choices begins by discerning the difference between what you want and what you need in your life, whether in relationships or other life choices. Following what you want is often a path filled with disappointments because it operates on a pain-pleasure scale, easily tipped and easily broken.”
This quote is not to say that women can’t have the qualities that they desire in a man. It just proves that choosing the right one instead of settling is important. The mate that you choose plays a significant part in the direction of your future; of course it is possible to be successful without a man, but having the wrong one can also slow you down. Although, no one is perfect, some relationship failures leading to struggling single parent families can be attributed to choosing someone who is not willing to do their part. The other partner compromises their time and resources to make up for what isn’t being done. The mate you choose is a reflection of you, a concept that some grasp late. Now, in some cases, when the common question comes up “where are all the good men”? The answer depends–are some of you choosing the good guys or are you just settling or going after the ones who are less than you deserve?
Call for information on the battered women program: 732-499-0040