Dinner. Dancing. Friendship bonds. Late night pep talks. Looking back on these last few years, I realize that my social life has consisted of spending time with my girlfriends.
Until recently, many of my friends (male and female) have started to fold under pressure from the single life—all scrambling to find a mate as 30-something sets in. Such urgency draws the question: are your 30’s the time to find love?
When Everyone Else is Ready For You to Settle Down
I’m not anti-relationship, but the urgency to settle down and the advice given by my married friends hasn’t really hit home. However, it seems that everyone else’s concerns for my life are much different from my own.
The funniest situations seem to occur almost every summer. It starts with an innocent conversation between a guy and I at a family function only to find out that the guy was actually a blind date arranged by one of my family members. I usually avoid it, but the question still lingers in the back of my mind.
When Should You be Ready?
Timing depends on the person’s stage in life and purpose for themselves and not on external pressure. Everyone is different.
I read an article in CNN about single moms from a couple of years ago that said singleness is an issue that plagues an average of 6.3 million women in America. So pressure is definitely an issue, especially for moms.
What I’m seeing more often now is women who are embracing their independence. Time is changing their perspectives on when they should marry. It’s been said that a growing number of women prefer independence to romance for the sake of their own career growth and empowerment.
On the down-side, people form harsh opinions about single career-minded women as it relates to dating. They have too many options. They’re too rigid or too picky to find love. Askmen.com reported that these type of women may only be looking for a “prize.” Then, there’s the idea that “busy women” will never find someone because they’re inflexible.
While skimming through profiles of women in their 30’s, either in magazines or other media, I found that many singles claim relationships cramp their style. Being able to enjoy their freedom is top priority.
Though I am an advocate of self-development and taking dating slowly, I haven’t totally dismissed the idea of finding someone. In fact at 32, I’m attempting to get out on the dating scene.
However, similar to the stories that I hear, the problem isn’t that I’m not meeting anyone. The problem is that I am not meeting anyone who makes me want to continue to get to know them enough to be in a relationship. The connection and attraction that I’m looking for just isn’t there.
Also, I enjoy my independence and free time to do things that I appreciate such as spending the night writing, watching movies with my son or going out with friends without having the responsibility of checking in with someone. That alone is enough to send mixed signals to a man who deserves someone’s full attention.
Looking for love is fine if you’re ready, but before dating anyone remember that to find love and commitment, commitment starts from within. If you can’t commit to loving yourself enough to reach your fullest potential, then why would anyone want to commit to you? When in doubt, pray! It just may not be your time yet. Having this mindset prevents women from compromising their goals of success and personal development, dreams and etc. When the right person comes around, those interests can be shared. But until then, it’s important to block out the noise from others and do what’s best for you.